Illustrations on how I am dealing with my own grief.
Archived Drawings
I lost my brother on January 4, 2022 and created this blog to share my process of working through the grief I am feeling by creating these simple illustrations. The images on this page were posted elsewhere, so I archived them here.
If you’re struggling with a loss, I’m with you. There are no rules or time frame for grief. Feel your feelings, and let your heart move at the pace it needs to move. It’s ok, and we’re going to be ok, eventually.
Grief is different for everybody, and this might not be something that impacts you, like it does me. I’m having a hard time putting this thing down. When I’m staring right at it, I feel “ok”, but when I try to look away, to just function “normally”, I can’t. Today was my first attempt at going back to work, and also my first “peer sympathy”. Honest, sincere, thoughtful, and it shut me down. Tomorrow should be better, because I’ll know what my heart might do to my brain, hopefully.
Grief effects us all differently, and may even effect you more or less than you expected. For me, it’s been more. I was fortunate to be able to take a few of my brother’s shirts before I came home. I wore one last night, it was much too big for my body, but it fit my heart.
We all grieve differently, so this may or may not apply to how you process your loss. I tend to disassociate, and try distracting myself, which “works” until it doesn’t.
Grief is something we have all or will all experience. It’s different for everyone. I was with a group of strangers who had a conversation about all of the ways a person might pass due to the same illness to which I recently lost my brother. It was very difficult, but they were not at fault as they had no idea about my recent experience.
Grief is a different process for everyone. I’m afraid my friends and family will get tired of me always talking about how I’m feeling before I’m done feeling it. It’s all I talk about, because it’s what I am thinking about.
We all respond to loss differently. For me, sometimes I have to disconnect. Disconnect from other people’s grief, even though I want to be there for them, because I just don’t have the bandwidth to carry someone else for a little while. Turn off the news, because bad news is too much, and I don’t feel like celebrating someone else’s good news. Just turn off the world for a minute. I’ll be back.
We all deal with grief differently, and we may even deal with different types of loss differently. There’s no set of rules on how we are supposed to do it. I find myself connecting with old memories and feelings, it’s like my brain detaches itself from the present.
We all experience grief differently. I thought a change of scenery might help take my mind of off the loss, but it seems like all of the things I like to do are the things we did.
Tinakay sent me this beautiful message: “Grief has a way of being a friend sometimes. Hey grief, I know you’re here, I feel you and thank you for coming. I need to feel this, and I am going to be ok.”
Processing grief is different for all of us. I’m doing ok, not that good, fine, overwhelmed, drowning and making it, thank you for asking.
Grief is a very personal thing, and we’re all experiencing it in our own way. I never noticed how many silver pickup trucks there are on the road, but now I see them all of the time, and they make me think of my brother.
Grief is different for all of us. We had so many stories together, sometimes I wonder if he’d remember them the same way I do.
Everyone deals with grief differently. Many of us use a lot of energy “being strong”. That may mean bottling up your feelings for the sake of others, or denying ourselves the permission to feel and/or express our emotions. We may even think what we are feeling is “wrong”. You don’t have to “be strong”, and your feelings aren’t wrong. Find a place you feel safe and just let it out. It won’t make everything good, but you might feel a little bit better.
We all grieve differently so this may not be something you’re personally dealing with. I somehow convinced myself that there is some emotion I’m “supposed to feel.” It hasn’t happened yet, so I am constantly trying to feel “it”, but I don’t know what “it” is. I haven’t had a big meltdown, or even cried yet. I’m just waiting.
Grief is different for everyone. I’ve been trying to find some meaning to this struggle. This might not apply to where you are, but when I was in therapy a couple of years ago our therapist shared this idea with the group: Pain + Resistance = Suffering Pain – Resistance = Pain It still hurts when I accept the grief, but not letting it consume me with suffering by resisting it, I am able to find comfort in knowing that this grief is love. It’s love trying to continue its work. It hurts, yes, but I’m going to try to let it keep working.
We are all affected by grief differently. This part scares me. That’s the finish line, right there, but not mine. I know how to walk, even to run, but I don’t know how to take the next step.
We all experience grief differently. I was expecting a more liner and predictable process, one that followed rules and stages.
Everyone is affected by grief in their own way. I seem to find myself stuck in a loop on some days.
We all grieve differently, and for me, I feel a little overwhelmed with all of thoughts, memories, should’ve, would’ve, and if I’d have knowns.
I had a dream that I was chasing my brother, Michael through an airport the other day. When I finally got to the gate, I missed the plane and had to watch it fly away. It wasn’t my flight. Someday, but not yet.
Grief affects us all differently. I feel like I’m running on an emotional deficit. It’s like i haven’t had the chance to recharge and I’m maxed out all the time. Even the “easy” things are hard.
Grief is a different process for all of us. The last few days have been a pull into this ruminating, lost in the past state. Thinking, processing, and a lot of staring into space.
I spent the last few days sick in bed. This included a minor, but very impacting cough. We all have different experiences with grief, and that cough took me back to my brother’s bedside over and over. The emotional impact left me as exhausted as the physical one.
Grief is very personal, and we deal with it in our own way and time. I’m in the process of moving forward, as soon as I can get up from here.
I Feel You 